Twilight Reverie. Written after a retreat day for counsellors 2001.

Twilight Reverie on a life.

    In the twilight I looked back across my day, across my world, across my life.

    Where went the days?
    Who snatched the time away and brought me to this place,
    of holding in my hands the memories of more than fifty years?

    And looking back I see a child,
    long legged and smiling, carefree,
    life stretching in front of her, and without fear.
    Through the misty lens of time she laughs at me, and stooping,
    she picks a flower from the meadow.

    A shiny red flower, uncontaminated.
    She holds its silky
    petals to her nose,
    for her the poppy is a lovely thing,
    she has not yet heard of Flanders field.

    I look again and see,
    in the long Summers of years past,
    a girl, awkward and unsure,
    more earnest now, but unafraid,
    believing that God will keep her always safe,
    and in the innocence of youth, never doubting Him.

    The sky darkens and as the moon rises o’er the hill,
    I see a young woman weeping and alone,
    lost and frightened
    not knowing how to live in a cruel and callous world.

    For her no loving husband,
    no child’s hand tucked trustingly within her own.

    The weight begins to grow inside her soul,
    and faith becomes a fragile thing
    that no longer answers the questions of her heart.
    And reaching out to her
    I try and reassure her,
    but my words are lost……
    swept away in the storms of anguish,
    her burden is too great.

    And suddenly, they become as one,
    the happy child, lost within the woman,
    her smile fading with the dying of the light,
    her bright eyes drowned in tears.
    So grows the heavy burden in the woman’s soul
    and with it the pain of bearing such a weight unaided.

    The fragile child is sick,
    frightened of life and unable to die,
    the woman is fragmented,
    not whole and beautiful,
    as long ago at the beginnings of time,
    the creator intended her to be.

    The sky is dark,
    the night turns cold,
    and for a moment I cannot see the stars.
    Then one by one, and silently,
    they light the inky darkness
    and spreading out their light they transform black to indigo.

    I am enchanted.
    I see the worlds
    stretching out across the dome
    billions of miles from where I stand,
    so tiny yet so great,
    unfathomed and unreachable.

    And what am I.
    Where my life in this infinity?
    And even as the moon slowly ascends
    and throws her silvery trails across the earth,
    I know I am of great value.

    That I the child,
    The girl
    The woman,
    can hear within this complex questioning soul,
    the soft whisper of the voice of God.


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