“MY JUDE” (Reflection.)
They didn’t like me, the other kids.
I was always the odd one out, the one they called names and left out of their games.
Then he came along.
Dark and brooding and mysterious. The boy from Kerioth.
They called him names too, but he only had to look at them with those eyes,
Black as an eclipsed moon they were,
And they ran away. He was my hero.
I didn’t feel lonely anymore.
Everyone called him Iscariot, but I called him Jude, ….my Jude.
We grew up together, and when he was around I felt safe. I didn’t feel lonely then.
He went away a lot though and sometimes would be roaming the other side of the mountains for weeks before he came back. He didn’t tell me where he’d been or what he’d been doing and I knew better than to ask
He was a zealot, that’s all I knew and he ran with a band of zealots.
People said he was a thief,…a bad lot
But I didn’t believe that.
They just wanted to bring the Romans down
There’s nothing wrong with that.
Then, one day things changed.
He was gone longer than usual and when he came back there was something different about him.
He was excited. He had a gleam in his eyes that I had never seen before, and he talked a lot,….that was really different.
He didn’t stay around much then, there seemed to be nothing to hold him whereas, this man and this new band he was with….well, they were all he was interested in.
He told me that this leader, the Rabbi, was the Messiah and he was going to bring down the Romans and bring in a new kingdom….
Jude was completely mesmerised by him!
Once,…later, when I went to Jerusalem for the Passover I met Him, this man from Galilee and I could see why he felt like that.
There was something almost magnetic about him.
If I could have known Him
I think he may have been my hero.
But this Passover was different right from the start
And then everything happened…
And my world fell apart….
I was so happy to begin with staying in Jerusalem with Jude, there for the Passover.
I was waiting around just hoping to get a bit of time with him when he wasn’t with the others, but it wasn’t easy.
Then one day he met me and told me that he knew this was the time….
I asked what he meant but he just said to keep quiet and wait……… something was going to happen and it was going to happen soon.
He was excited and……more than that………manic,
with a crazed kind of look in his eyes that I had never seen before.
I felt a bit scared, but you know how it is, when you trust someone, you just think they must be doing the right thing.
He kept saying that “This is the time” and muttering on about old scriptures and prophecies that I knew nothing about.
He was very clever you know, a real scholar.
So, I trusted him and when one of the Rabbi’s disciples, asked me if Jude was plotting something,
I said of course he wasn’t, well I didn’t want to betray his trust did I?
Anyway, I didn’t know what he was planning.
I knew he’d been up to the big house where the council gathered and that he came back with a bag of money,
silver coins such as I have never seen before…..
I knew that he was sitting holding his head a lot, dark and brooding…unreachable.
But I didn’t know anything………..
He started talking about the Master differently.
He sounded disillusioned with him, said He was too soft and He needed to get on with the job
He was impatient, he thought the Kingdom that this Jesus talked about was going to happen, that the Romans would be defeated and we would be free….
That’s all he wanted.
But it didn’t happen and the Rabbi, the Master…
He didn’t do what He promised…..
I think Jude just got tired of waiting and thought he’d force Jesus’ Hand.
I didn’t know that he was going to do what he did,
I may have been able to tell him it wasn’t right,
To persuade him to wait…
To let Jesus do it His way…………..
I should have stopped him going to the council…
the Upper room……..the garden…
I should have stopped him…..
But I didn’t.
I couldn’t betray him, the one they all called
And now it’s too late.
Chrystabell 2011 ©
Revised in 2013 for ‘A Passion for Shoreham.’