Oh my Son, my precious Son…..how can I bear this terrible pain?
I have known pain for all His thirty three years, but never like this. The dreadful aching of my heart the chasm of emptiness in my soul and the burning tears that surely will flow forever.
Oh God, how can I bear this…..how can I go on living without the one whose very life was my light?
I remember the days of my Jesus with joy and tears. The night He was born, watching over Him as He lay there in that animal stall, so innocent and pure, so dependent. I felt such a love for Him then and so protective, wanting to keep Him safe forever.
I knew it was going to be hard. When the priest at the temple told me that a sword would pierce my heart too……I feared what was going to be…….. of course I did…..but I never imagined this…
How could I have imagined that a man who lived such a holy life, teaching others to love and forgive, healing people who nobody else would touch….making the blind eyes see and the deaf ears hear….how could I have ever considered that the people who followed Him in great crowds and spoke of Him as their King, would be the same people who turned against Him and yelled and screamed for His death? And how could I, for one moment have imagined that Pilate would have taken Him…. and handed Him over to those cruel Romans?
I watched today as I watched those years ago when He lay in the manger. Today I watched helplessly as they took my lovely Son and banged the nails into His gentle hands, and stretched His arms out onto that wood.
I watched Him as He hung there dying.
Listened as He told me to take John as my Son and John to take me as his Mother. Heard Him ask forgiveness for His persecutors, saw the compassion as He turned to the thief next to Him and assured him of Paradise.
I watched as they took Him down and wrapped Him in a strangers shroud to lay Him in a strangers tomb.
I watched Him…..I heard Him……I loved Him…..But I could not protect Him.
Chrystabell 2013. ©
Published in ‘A Passion for Shoreham.